Showing posts with label DC. Show all posts
Showing posts with label DC. Show all posts

Tuesday, August 9, 2016

Movie Review: Suicide Squad.



DC have got a long way to go to catch up with Marvel when it comes to movies.
After the disastrous critical failure of Batman vs Superman, it's clear they needed to spruce things up a bit, and you really would have had to have been under a rock for the last couple months not to have seen the banners, billboards, tv spots, and multiple merchandising tie-ins to DC's latest ensemble the-bad-guys-are-the-good-guys action mash-up, Suicide Squad.

Who the main character really is in Suicide Squad, it's a little hard to say. We begin with the mind behind the whole idea, military officer Amanda Waller, a high ranking strategist who is selling her idea of an elite team of super-villains, to be used in the event of a superhuman terrorist threat. With the powers of the mysterious Enchantress under her thumb, she begins assembling her team, selecting the finest thieves and hit-men from the darkest cells of Belle Reve Supermax penitentiary.

Amanda's trump card, the incredibly powerful Enchantress, has an ulterior motive. That of the destruction of the human race, naturally, and when given a little too much leeway with her powers, soon seeks out the means to put her apocalyptic plans into action. When Enchantress and her demonic minions begin laying waste to a major American city, Task Force X, the titular Squad, are put into action under the command of hard edged soldier Rick Flag, not to save the day, but just to rescue a person of value from the equation and get out of there alive.

The set up and the swift devolution into anarchy leading up to the actual mission is a big chunk of the films run-time, and if there's a first place you could criticize Suicide Squad, it's the pacing. A little too much time spent here, not enough there, and then a sudden apocalyptic threat, doesn't go down so smooth. The ride to the films third act is bumpy to say the least. Fortunately, the characters that populate the film are where the majority of the fun to be found lies.

The best performance in the film, without much surprise, is of course Will Smith. He's Will Smith, playing Will Smith, and as always, it's great fun. He has a character arc, a snappy personality, scene after scene introducing his incredible skills and the force that drives him. He is of course the big star of the piece, so naturally a ton of screen time is going to be devoted to him, but it would have been nice to see more of the other enjoyable members of the group, like Captain Boomerang, who gets a laugh from the audience on the majority of his dialogue, or the great Killer Croc, both of whom we get next to nothing of by way of backstory. Some characters, like Kabuki and Slipknot, displayed prominently on posters and promotional material, barely make an impact on the film's events at all.


There are many fine performances among the multiple cast members, like Viola Davis as the stern faced Amanda Waller, the cold commanding military commander who organised the whole shindig. She's a great character, but needed a bit more variety to her scenes than stone faced dialogue, in my opinion. El Diablo, who takes the role of the heart of the team, is lovable, enjoyable to watch, and just plain kicks ass when he needs to. Rick Flag, the commander of the team, is a confusing character however, he's not at all badly acted, he's just not a likable character. Everyone knows the goody-goody 'soldier' among the dirty dozen is always the boring character you root to get killed. So why then was Flag such a huge part of the film? He gets more screen time than everyone but Smith's Deadshot, and his love affair with Enchantress is actually the film's main character based plot. He doesn't seem to be intended to be likable, and he's not particularly heroic, not even in the 'honor among thieves' way.


A film with an ensemble this big isn't without some obvious duds, of course, and Suicide Squad does have a few turds in the punch-bowl.

Harley Quinn is a character that people have waited YEARS to see on the big screen. She's one of the most significant comic characters of modern day, and possibly the most popular female DC character ever. The character we get here, is something of a disgrace. Almost every line Harley delivers is a flat joke, and she comes across as a dull imitation. Her accent is sporadic and uneven, her personality is unclear and undefined. She's referred to as crazy a half dozen times in her first scene, yet at no point in the movie acts remotely insane. In fact, we see her clearly change her attitude to give the appearance of being crazy to others more than once, giving the suggestion that the entire crazy thing is an act put on by a completely sane character.


Harley Quinn wasn't the worst character in the film however. The Razzie without a doubt goes to Enchantress, who I really don't think could have been worse.
A body swapping Goddess of the old world controlled by Amanda Waller, Enchantress delivers a frankly nonsensical performance as the film's main villain. The visual design we see on the movie posters, a green skinned, black haired hag, looks fantastic for the few scenes she's in, and blissfully keeps her mouth shut, but for the most part of the film she takes the form of an idiotically gyrating everyday white girl who looks like the Empress from The Neverending Story, delivering stilted dialogue in a dopey deep voice. A huge amount of plot development is devoted to the relationship Flag has with the 'real' girl trapped within Enchantress, but as an audience, it's impossible to connect with this relationship as we never meet that character. We see a few scenes of an awkward, gawky woman in big spectacles deliver a few lines, but we don't see the lovable character she's apparently meant to be, and that we should be rooting to escape Enchantresses control. A poor villain is an inexcusable error in a superhero film, and having a great antagonist for our Squad to battle against would have changed the dynamic of the entire film for the better.

Of course, they did have that antagonist there the whole time, which is frankly baffling. The character everyone wants to know about, the latest in a long line of performances that define the way a comic book villain can be played, The Joker.
Leto's performance is definitely not the character we know from the comics. He's a street smart gangster, obsessed with obscene displays of wealth and outrageous showmanship. We wouldn't see the comic book version of the character owning a high end strip club, wielding a gold plated pimp cane, and driving a purple chrome Lamborghini, but this is a new Joker, and he's king of the underworld. The few flashback glimpses we see of The Joker and Harley running things from their ivory tower, the criminal world operating in fear of them, are great to see, and there really is no excuse that this wasn't the plot of the film. Why have a character like the Joker, well known as the most popular comic book villain IN HISTORY and use him for less than ten minutes of screen time?


Suicide Squad is not a bad film.
It's extremely popular to hate it right now, and I think it's not getting fair treatment as a standalone film. It's being lumped into the fun-to-tear-apart DC cinematic universe.
Although it is full of references to the larger world around it, the glimpse of the Flash isn't really ham-fisted in for example, and the sporadic appearances of Batman are actually pretty cool. Although I fully expected it to be the case, I didn't feel that it's PG-13 rating severely castrated it either. There weren't any obvious scenes that felt distinctly hampered by the lack of an R rating. If an R rating had been the case, we might have seen more dynamic enemies than faceless, safe-to-slaughter blob people, however.

A bad film has wonky parts that fit together poorly into a displeasing whole.
Suicide Squad has the parts. They're there. The cinematography is great, the soundtrack is top tier, and some of the characters are tremendous fun. The parts just don't fit together all that well. Massive slow motion scenes slow down the great cinematography, the soundtrack is SO full of hits, they play ten seconds of a genre defining song before cutting it off to move to the next track, three or four times in the same scene. Why put these enjoyable characters in a story that doesn't fit them? With protagonists so full of life, why make the villain a goofy caricature devoid of personality with the poorest acting performance in the entire film?

It feels like Suicide Squad wasn't quite the main event, and that this was the sequel, or the spin off, even. They had a great villain, in the form of the Joker, and they put him in as many scenes as they could manage, so why not just make the film about him instead of the uninteresting, uninspired and frankly unenjoyable Enchantress?

Something could be done with Suicide Squad. Whether they are waiting for the home media release to re-edit it and force everyone to pay for it again, like they did with BvS, we'll see.



Thursday, September 17, 2015

10 Crap Supervillains No Hero Ever Wanted to Fight


Not everyone can be Darkseid. Not every mutation can create the Juggernaut or Apocalypse. There's just too many heroes going around for every one of them to have an arch-nemesis like Ultron or The Green Goblin.
That's why there's these guys. The villains no hero ever wanted to have in their rogues gallery. The ones even the lowest ranking Avenger would leave out of their tales of triumph at Tony Stark's next mixer.





1. Dansen Macabre
This feisty young lady first appeared in a Marvel Team up starring Spider-Man and Werewolf. This disciple of a Nepalese cult devoted to Kali (incorrectly labeled as the Goddess of Death) pirouettes around stark naked but for some conveniently located streamers of black energy while boasting some very poorly explained powers, like being able to not be noticed unless she wants to be (wrong outfit for subtlety, love), and then, on the polar opposite of the scale, being able to hypnotize anyone who watches her dance. Apparently she can kill people with her dancing too, but we never see that.
Villains based on the performing arts are understandably interesting. Take Clayface for example; the passion and obsession of an actor makes a great villainous concept. The beauty and precision of a dancer is just as exciting, and that's why Marvel already have a villain who is a dancer; she's called Spiral, and she is AWESOME. You don't see Spiral prancing around in the buff trying to get the attention of a second rate hero team like the Midnight Sons.
So much more could have been done with a character inspired by the most complex of Hindu deities. Although she did turn up again recently in Marvel Zombies, poor Dansen Macabre has gone the way of most dances of the 80's. Into obscurity.



2. Mighty Endowed
Yeah, you read that right. Nina Dowd was a talented (but plain) archaeologist working on the dig of her career, and upon discovery of a mysterious relic from an ancient civilization, she just couldn't resist reaching out to touch it. The magic of the object transformed the woman into a supervillain of unique and terrible dimensions. When Young Justice turned up to battle her, they had no idea they would be confronted with the Mighty Endowed.
You guessed it, she's got magic tits.
Dowd was transformed into a sexy cat-like woman, bearing the most powerful breasts in comic book history. Too great in scope and magnificence to ever appear on the page, they emit a blazing strobe light that can hypnotize and control minds with but a single glance, or just plain freak people out. Young Justice brace themselves for the fight of their lives against the fearsome Endowed, only to have her upper body weight drag her over to lie helplessly on the floor, until she's dragged away and imprisoned.
The craziest part is, the bicycle-like object she touched is revealed to be of Apokoliptic origin, belonging to the New Gods, and actually a big part of DC universe lore. What's next for the Mighty Endowed? Think of the plot opportunities! Kryptonite pasties! The ultimate chest-off against Power Girl!


3. Crazy Quilt
There was a time when all it took to be a Batman villain was a really dodgy bit of tailoring. None more so were guilty of this most heinous of crimes than the malevolent Crazy Quilt.
A throwback from forgotten comic Boy Commandos, Crazy Quilt would reappear to terrorize Gotham City. Now Crazy Quilt actually has a fairly interesting backstory, unlike most of these losers. A skilled painter with many dark connections to the criminal underworld, Crazy Quilt left clues to heists in his paintings (sixty years before the Da Vinci Code, people!). When betrayed and shot by a fellow criminal, Crazy Quilt's eyesight is irreparably altered to see nothing but blindingly bright colours all the time, like being stuck in Saturday morning television forever.
Naturally, becoming Crazy Quilt and engaging in a colour based crime spree, he creates a helmet that blazes bright colours and....hypnotizes. Oh. That again. Also, sometimes he fires lasers.
Crazy Quilt would return to menace Batman and Robin on many occasions in the Golden Age, but was thankfully mostly forgotten about by the time a more fashionable metal came around. 


4. The Orb
The Residents were popular in the seventies, that much is clear. This eye catching chap was a Ghost Rider villain who appeared to be halfway between Evil Knievel and a Masters of the Universe action figure. Disfigured in an accident during a motorcycle race against Ghost Rider's old mentor, Drake Shannon was left horribly scarred and burning for revenge. He was then given his signature great big Eyeball helmet for NO CLEAR REASON by They Who Wield Power with which to retake the traveling motorcycle show he once part owned. And he occasionally took part in some petty larceny when someone remembered him enough to use him. The Orb thinks big.
As for the powers of the dreaded Orb? ...Hypnosis. How groundbreaking. Oh and sometimes.... he fired lasers. Again.
Let's face it, the Orb just can't compete. I'd take a villain with a great rack over a big eye anytime.

NEWS! The Orb has stepped up his game with a major new appearance in a Marvel Universe crossover event in recent times. Not to spoil anything, but it's the event with the great big eye on the cover of every issue. What's next? Mighty Endowed partners with Darkseid? Crazy Quilt confirmed main antagonist in Arkham Knight? The possibilities are endless!


5. Stiltman
It generally takes some examples of truly exceptional level talents to be a superhuman. We're usually talking world class Engineer, Technician, Athlete, etc. No one who is just kinda good at their Tech career becomes Iron Man. Elektra didn't get a B in gymnastics. Wilbur Day was the guy who just didn't quite excel in supervillain school. When he stole advanced designs to construct that stupid ass metal outfit I'm sure he was damn proud of himself and all, and that's good. But when your name, and the main feature of your ability deals with having long legs that go up and down, you aren't going to be leading the masters of Evil anytime soon.
Now go take a look at Stiltman's Wikipedia page. 'Competent Engineer and Inventor'. Yeah, so was the smart kid in high school shop class. 'Moderately Talented disguise artist'. I could better than that after my first year in Drama school. And this loser goes around acting like he's on the same level as Iron Man and Crimson Dynamo.
They'd take one look at his resume over at Stark Industries and the best job he'd get offered would be cleaning up Hulk poo.
Stiltman and his amazingly long legs would commit robberies of very high places. Occasionally tangling with the likes of Daredevil. He turned up a lot over the years somehow, battling a variety of heroes who foiled his nefariously tall schemes. Until of course he tangled with the Punisher, who showed Stiltman what was what and shot him in the face, and that was the story of Stiltman. You could say... it was a tall tale.


6. Mad Mod
Now if being British was a superpower, I would be Doomsday. I British way better in a more British way than most other British people could hope to dream of. Mad Mod, on the other hand, took it to the next level. Mad Mod made a villain out of Anglophilia.
A Teen Titans villain whose ENTIRE deal was being British, Mad Mod was an artsy fashion designer with a Beatles haircut who made a criminal career out of importing designer clothes. Hardly Lex Luthor stuff there, I know, but when you're English you just do everything more stylishly. Mad Mod didn't really have any powers to speak of. But hey, at least he isn't trying to hypnotize anybody.
Mad Mod would go on to such nefarious schemes as blagging the Crown Jewels, and putting the letter U in more words than those pesky Americans would.
Turning up again years down the line, Mad Mod would return in the animated Teen Titans series, voiced by British person Malcolm McDowell. This incarnation of the Mod was a crazed inventor, and a brilliant way for the showrunners to turn everything he did into a reference to British pop culture, with homages to everything from Monty Python to Yellow Submarine.
Interestingly enough, England might be just about the only country you could base an entire character around gross stereotypes of, and it still doesn't seem racist for some reason. I mean, if you made a Mexican villain a taco eating luchador with pet chickens...that would just be irresponsibly racist. Wouldn't it?



7. Animal-Vegetable-Mineral-Man
Just look at that name. Whoever created this guy had all the chances in the world to come up with a better name. This was the 60's. The comic book world hadn't taken all the names yet. There was room for great, memorable names still to be had! But no. Animal-Vegetable-Mineral-Man stood tall in the face of his enemies, the Doom Patrol.
A Swedish scientist who fell into a vat of amino acids, AVMM, as he shall now be referred to, gained the amazing ability to transfigure any part of his body into parts of animals, minerals, or indeed vegetables.
There really isn't that much more to say about this guy, other than if you're taking a stroll down the street one day, just looking to fight crime in a nice peaceful way, and a villain comes screaming at you down the street hopping on the legs of an Alpaca with a parsnip for a head and waving arms made out of collard greens and the Starship Enterprise, he doesn't need to have AVMM emblazoned on his shirt for you to know just who you're dealing with. 
That really has to be one of the worst names in comic book history.
Proteor, Shapemaster, He could've been 'The Major General', even. Doom Patrol is lucky a plucky little rip off turned into the X-Men, or it would just have nothing to show for itself.


8. The Terrible Trio
We all know DC's Terrible Trio. Three everyday criminals who wore zoot suits and animal masks and end up looking like something you'd find when you've spent too long on Google Earth. They menaced Batman from now and then, and were generally dated as hell. But at least they had a gimmick, shallow as it may have been. The Terrible Trio I've picked for this list is another Terrible Trio altogether. One so awful that it takes all three of them to fill one spot on this list.
Let me take you back to the 60's, where villains needed catchy names and the most random and seemingly useless powers in the history of comic books. Doctor Doom assembled a fearsome team of three plucky criminals from the streets, and gave them superpowers loosely themed on them. It really was that simple in those days.
The aptly named Terrible Trio consisted of Bull Brogin, who was quite strong. Yogi Dakor, who has every racist Indian Yogi stereotype under the sun at his disposal, including fire invulnerability, snake charming, and riding a flying carpet, and of course Handsome Harry, who possesses the amazing power of super hearing. Super hearing, yes. For all the hearing based super villainy.
These losers would battle the Fantastic Four, with little measure of success. Because lets face it, being a bit strong ain't gonna help your ass against the Thing, and being invulnerable to Johnny Storm's flames still ain't gonna help your ass against the Thing. In a moment of truly genre defining trickery, they use an asbestos blanket against the human torch. That's the equivalent of going up against Ice Man armed with one of those heated blankets for joint pain or trying to battle Magneto wearing a rubber wetsuit.
In the years gone by, the Terrible trio have been lost to time and better super villains. Ones who have powers extending beyond the ability piss off an entire ethnic group or to overhear your neighbors having sex at 2am. 


9. Leap Frog
Now Stan Lee created a lot of characters in his time. Dozens of the greats of the comic book universe sprung from the brow of Stan the Man. Of course, you can't create as many characters as he did without producing a fair number of absolutely shite ones along the way as well.
Leap-Frog (who was French, obviously) dressed like a giant frog, with green flippers, googly eyes and all, and bounced around committing petty larceny with his amazing power of jumping.
That really is all there is to it. A goofy as fuck outfit with springs on the soles of his feet.
His backstory involved him being a designer of novelty goods, driven mad with the tiresome repetition of his job. Because everyone who works at Mattel goes out and builds a giant flaming death steed when work on the My Little Pony line gets boring. He probably had an amphibian based catchphrase to match, but I just can't be bothered to read enough old 70's Daredevil books to find it.
Leap Frog would menace Daredevil for a brief time, before retiring from the crime game.
You'd think a villain so awkward would have the good graces to stay forgotten, but no. Years later a second soul took up the proud mantle of Leap-Frog to battle Daredevil once more, only to be chucked off a building into a trash compactor in his first appearance. Stay dead that Leap-Frog? No sir! The resurrected Leaping terror would return Yet AGAIN to battle the Avengers, and be unceremoniously mullered by Wolverine. Because in French chess, Canadian trumps Frog person.


10. Metal Master
You know what I love? Characters that are just other characters, only crap. Stan the Man and his trusty pal Steve Ditko struck again when they created Metal Master. Practically the defining example of suffering other-better-character-related-crapness, and the worst part is, he came before his significantly more powerful and momentously popular successor, Magneto.
Metal Master has control over metal. Kinda like how Magneto has control over magnetism. But of course magnetism has a million other uses besides, suddenly making the ability to reform metal molecules less impressive. Sure, Metal Master tangled with the Hulk, and messed some heroes up pretty bad in his time, but his character design was absolute arse, and his power was never explored or really defined. (His powers wouldn't work on ALL metals, y'see.) I'm sure Stan and Steve were chuffed with themselves for thinking him up at the time, until Stan and Jack Kirby got together later that year and decided to make the same character, only a million times better, with a thrilling back story and a provocative psychological drive, who would go on decades later to be voted IGN's greatest comic book villain of ALL TIME. Yeah, don't seem to cool now do you Metal Master?


In summary, just like real life, the worlds of comic books are filled with wonderful characters, and just as many absolutely horrible ones we never wanted to meet in the first place. You won't thrill at the sight of Leap-Frog on the cover of the new issue of Thor, no one will wait with baited breath to see who they cast as Stiltman in Avengers: Age of the Silly Stilt Bastard, and you don't want The Mighty Endowed in your Heroclix army (Unless she's anatomically correct, maybe).

Think you can dig up a worse villain? By all means, let me know... These losers, the Z-listers lurking at the back of the supervillainy class will always have have a very special place in our hearts.