10 Crap Supervillains No Hero Ever Wanted to Fight

Not everyone can be Darkseid. Not every mutation can create the Juggernaut or Apocalypse. There's just too many heroes going around for every one of them to have an arch-nemesis like Ultron or The Green Goblin.

That's why there's these guys. The villains no hero ever wanted to have in their rogues gallery. The ones even the lowest ranking Avenger would leave out of their tales of triumph at Tony Stark's next mixer.

1. Dansen Macabre

This feisty young lady first appeared in a Marvel Team up starring Spider-Man and Werewolf. This disciple of a Nepalese cult devoted to Kali (incorrectly labeled as the Goddess of Death) pirouettes around stark naked but for some conveniently located streamers of black energy while boasting some very poorly explained powers, like being able to not be noticed unless she wants to be (wrong outfit for subtlety, love), and then, on the polar opposite of the scale, being able to hypnotize anyone who watches her dance. Apparently she can kill people with her dancing too, but we never see that.

Villains based on the performing arts are understandably interesting. Take Clayface for example; the passion and obsession of an actor makes a great villainous concept. The beauty and precision of a dancer is just as exciting, and that's why Marvel already have a villain who is a dancer; she's called Spiral, and she is AWESOME. You don't see Spiral prancing around in the buff trying to get the attention of a second rate hero team like the Midnight Sons.

So much more could have been done with a character inspired by the most complex of Hindu deities. Although she did turn up again recently in Marvel Zombies, poor Dansen Macabre has gone the way of most dances of the 80's. Into obscurity.

2. Mighty Endowed

Yeah, you read that right. Nina Dowd was a talented (but plain) archaeologist working on the dig of her career, and upon discovery of a mysterious relic from an ancient civilization, she just couldn't resist reaching out to touch it. The magic of the object transformed the woman into a supervillain of unique and terrible dimensions. When Young Justice turned up to battle her, they had no idea they would be confronted with the Mighty Endowed.

You guessed it, she's got magic tits.

Dowd was transformed into a sexy cat-like woman, bearing the most powerful breasts in comic book history. Too great in scope and magnificence to ever appear on the page, they emit a blazing strobe light that can hypnotize and control minds with but a single glance, or just plain freak people out. Young Justice brace themselves for the fight of their lives against the fearsome Endowed, only to have her upper body weight drag her over to lie helplessly on the floor, until she's dragged away and imprisoned.

The craziest part is, the bicycle-like object she touched is revealed to be of Apokoliptic origin, belonging to the New Gods, and actually a big part of DC universe lore. What's next for the Mighty Endowed? Think of the plot opportunities! Kryptonite pasties! The ultimate chest-off against Power Girl!

3. Crazy Quilt

There was a time when all it took to be a Batman villain was a really dodgy bit of tailoring. None more so were guilty of this most heinous of crimes than the malevolent Crazy Quilt.

A throwback from forgotten comic Boy Commandos, Crazy Quilt would reappear to terrorize Gotham City. Now Crazy Quilt actually has a fairly interesting backstory, unlike most of these losers. A skilled painter with many dark connections to the criminal underworld, Crazy Quilt left clues to heists in his paintings (sixty years before the Da Vinci Code, people!). When betrayed and shot by a fellow criminal, Crazy Quilt's eyesight is irreparably altered to see nothing but blindingly bright colours all the time, like being stuck in Saturday morning television forever.

Naturally, becoming Crazy Quilt and engaging in a colour based crime spree, he creates a helmet that blazes bright colours and....hypnotizes. Oh. That again. Also, sometimes he fires lasers.

Crazy Quilt would return to menace Batman and Robin on many occasions in the Golden Age, but was thankfully mostly forgotten about by the time a more fashionable metal came around. 

4. The Orb

The Residents were popular in the seventies, that much is clear. This eye catching chap was a Ghost Rider villain who appeared to be halfway between Evil Knievel and a Masters of the Universe action figure. Disfigured in an accident during a motorcycle race against Ghost Rider's old mentor, Drake Shannon was left horribly scarred and burning for revenge. He was then given his signature great big Eyeball helmet for NO CLEAR REASON by They Who Wield Power with which to retake the traveling motorcycle show he once part owned. And he occasionally took part in some petty larceny when someone remembered him enough to use him. The Orb thinks big.

As for the powers of the dreaded Orb? ...Hypnosis. How groundbreaking. Oh and sometimes.... he fired lasers. Again.

Let's face it, the Orb just can't compete. I'd take a villain with a great rack over a big eye anytime.

NEWS! The Orb has stepped up his game with a major new appearance in a Marvel Universe crossover event in recent times. Not to spoil anything, but it's the event with the great big eye on the cover of every issue. What's next? Mighty Endowed partners with Darkseid? Crazy Quilt confirmed main antagonist in Arkham Knight? The possibilities are endless!

5. Stiltman

It generally takes some examples of truly exceptional level talents to be a superhuman. We're usually talking world class Engineer, Technician, Athlete, etc. No one who is just kinda good at their Tech career becomes Iron Man. Elektra didn't get a B in gymnastics. Wilbur Day was the guy who just didn't quite excel in supervillain school. When he stole advanced designs to construct that stupid ass metal outfit I'm sure he was damn proud of himself and all, and that's good. But when your name, and the main feature of your ability deals with having long legs that go up and down, you aren't going to be leading the masters of Evil anytime soon.

Now go take a look at Stiltman's Wikipedia page. 'Competent Engineer and Inventor'. Yeah, so was the smart kid in high school shop class. 'Moderately Talented disguise artist'. I could better than that after my first year in Drama school. And this loser goes around acting like he's on the same level as Iron Man and Crimson Dynamo.

They'd take one look at his resume over at Stark Industries and the best job he'd get offered would be cleaning up Hulk poo.

Stiltman and his amazingly long legs would commit robberies of very high places. Occasionally tangling with the likes of Daredevil. He turned up a lot over the years somehow, battling a variety of heroes who foiled his nefariously tall schemes. Until of course he tangled with the Punisher, who showed Stiltman what was what and shot him in the face, and that was the story of Stiltman. You could say... it was a tall tale.

6. Mad Mod

Now if being British was a superpower, I would be Doomsday. I British way better in a more British way than most other British people could hope to dream of. Mad Mod, on the other hand, took it to the next level. Mad Mod made a villain out of Anglophilia.

A Teen Titans villain whose ENTIRE deal was being British, Mad Mod was an artsy fashion designer with a Beatles haircut who made a criminal career out of importing designer clothes. Hardly Lex Luthor stuff there, I know, but when you're English you just do everything more stylishly. Mad Mod didn't really have any powers to speak of. But hey, at least he isn't trying to hypnotize anybody.

Mad Mod would go on to such nefarious schemes as blagging the Crown Jewels, and putting the letter U in more words than those pesky Americans would.

Turning up again years down the line, Mad Mod would return in the animated Teen Titans series, voiced by British person Malcolm McDowell. This incarnation of the Mod was a crazed inventor, and a brilliant way for the showrunners to turn everything he did into a reference to British pop culture, with homages to everything from Monty Python to Yellow Submarine.

Interestingly enough, England might be just about the only country you could base an entire character around gross stereotypes of, and it still doesn't seem racist for some reason. I mean, if you made a Mexican villain a taco eating luchador with pet chickens...that would just be irresponsibly racist. Wouldn't it?

7. Animal-Vegetable-Mineral-Man

Just look at that name. Whoever created this guy had all the chances in the world to come up with a better name. This was the 60's. The comic book world hadn't taken all the names yet. There was room for great, memorable names still to be had! But no. Animal-Vegetable-Mineral-Man stood tall in the face of his enemies, the Doom Patrol.

A Swedish scientist who fell into a vat of amino acids, AVMM, as he shall now be referred to, gained the amazing ability to transfigure any part of his body into parts of animals, minerals, or indeed vegetables.

There really isn't that much more to say about this guy, other than if you're taking a stroll down the street one day, just looking to fight crime in a nice peaceful way, and a villain comes screaming at you down the street hopping on the legs of an Alpaca with a parsnip for a head and waving arms made out of collard greens and the Starship Enterprise, he doesn't need to have AVMM emblazoned on his shirt for you to know just who you're dealing with. 

That really has to be one of the worst names in comic book history.

Proteor, Shapemaster, He could've been 'The Major General', even. Doom Patrol is lucky a plucky little rip off turned into the X-Men, or it would just have nothing to show for itself.

8. The Terrible Trio

We all know DC's Terrible Trio. Three everyday criminals who wore zoot suits and animal masks and end up looking like something you'd find when you've spent too long on Google Earth. They menaced Batman from now and then, and were generally dated as hell. But at least they had a gimmick, shallow as it may have been. The Terrible Trio I've picked for this list is another Terrible Trio altogether. One so awful that it takes all three of them to fill one spot on this list.

Let me take you back to the 60's, where villains needed catchy names and the most random and seemingly useless powers in the history of comic books. Doctor Doom assembled a fearsome team of three plucky criminals from the streets, and gave them superpowers loosely themed on them. It really was that simple in those days.

The aptly named Terrible Trio consisted of Bull Brogin, who was quite strong. Yogi Dakor, who has every racist Indian Yogi stereotype under the sun at his disposal, including fire invulnerability, snake charming, and riding a flying carpet, and of course Handsome Harry, who possesses the amazing power of super hearing. Super hearing, yes. For all the hearing based super villainy.

These losers would battle the Fantastic Four, with little measure of success. Because lets face it, being a bit strong ain't gonna help your ass against the Thing, and being invulnerable to Johnny Storm's flames still ain't gonna help your ass against the Thing. In a moment of truly genre defining trickery, they use an asbestos blanket against the human torch. That's the equivalent of going up against Ice Man armed with one of those heated blankets for joint pain or trying to battle Magneto wearing a rubber wetsuit.

In the years gone by, the Terrible trio have been lost to time and better super villains. Ones who have powers extending beyond the ability piss off an entire ethnic group or to overhear your neighbors having sex at 2am. 

9. Leap Frog

Now Stan Lee created a lot of characters in his time. Dozens of the greats of the comic book universe sprung from the brow of Stan the Man. Of course, you can't create as many characters as he did without producing a fair number of absolutely shite ones along the way as well.

Leap-Frog (who was French, obviously) dressed like a giant frog, with green flippers, googly eyes and all, and bounced around committing petty larceny with his amazing power of jumping.

That really is all there is to it. A goofy as fuck outfit with springs on the soles of his feet.

His backstory involved him being a designer of novelty goods, driven mad with the tiresome repetition of his job. Because everyone who works at Mattel goes out and builds a giant flaming death steed when work on the My Little Pony line gets boring. He probably had an amphibian based catchphrase to match, but I just can't be bothered to read enough old 70's Daredevil books to find it.

Leap Frog would menace Daredevil for a brief time, before retiring from the crime game.

You'd think a villain so awkward would have the good graces to stay forgotten, but no. Years later a second soul took up the proud mantle of Leap-Frog to battle Daredevil once more, only to be chucked off a building into a trash compactor in his first appearance. Stay dead that Leap-Frog? No sir! The resurrected Leaping terror would return Yet AGAIN to battle the Avengers, and be unceremoniously mullered by Wolverine. Because in French chess, Canadian trumps Frog person.

10. Metal Master

You know what I love? Characters that are just other characters, only crap. Stan the Man and his trusty pal Steve Ditko struck again when they created Metal Master. Practically the defining example of suffering other-better-character-related-crapness, and the worst part is, he came before his significantly more powerful and momentously popular successor, Magneto.

Metal Master has control over metal. Kinda like how Magneto has control over magnetism. But of course magnetism has a million other uses besides, suddenly making the ability to reform metal molecules less impressive. Sure, Metal Master tangled with the Hulk, and messed some heroes up pretty bad in his time, but his character design was absolute arse, and his power was never explored or really defined. (His powers wouldn't work on ALL metals, y'see.) I'm sure Stan and Steve were chuffed with themselves for thinking him up at the time, until Stan and Jack Kirby got together later that year and decided to make the same character, only a million times better, with a thrilling back story and a provocative psychological drive, who would go on decades later to be voted IGN's greatest comic book villain of ALL TIME. Yeah, don't seem to cool now do you Metal Master?

In summary, just like real life, the worlds of comic books are filled with wonderful characters, and just as many absolutely horrible ones we never wanted to meet in the first place. You won't thrill at the sight of Leap-Frog on the cover of the new issue of Thor, no one will wait with baited breath to see who they cast as Stiltman in Avengers: Age of the Silly Stilt Bastard, and you don't want The Mighty Endowed in your Heroclix army (Unless she's anatomically correct, maybe).

Think you can dig up a worse villain? By all means, let me know... These losers, the Z-listers lurking at the back of the supervillainy class will always have have a very special place in our hearts.

Movie Review: Age of Ultron

When I was 7, my dad gave me a pile of his old comics from when he was a kid. I had Captain Britain, The Defenders, and Dan Dare amongst many others, and I had a lot of favorites. The character that leapt off the page at me though, the character that stuck with me ever since; was the philosophical, maniacal robotic arch nemesis of the Avengers, Ultron.

You can imagine how excited I was when Ultron was revealed as the antagonist in the sequel to Marvel’s immensely successful The Avengers. When his actor was revealed as James Spader, with his gravelly southern voice, I was at first skeptical. I was expecting the announcement to be of an actor with a famously recognizable voice, like Malcolm McDowell.

The moment I saw that first trailer, all my fears were put to rest. Spader’s commanding drawl is so perfectly condescending, intellectually superior, even bored sounding, it fit the character wonderfully.

From that moment on, going into this one, I was excited.

I was not disappointed.

With every step forward into Marvel’s Cinematic Universe, it feels more like the spirit of the comics. From the very beginning, we see the Avengers working together as a coordinated team battling their old enemies Hydra. It’s fluid, and fun and incredibly put together visually. Each member seems to have been developed since the last film, both in the way they function within the team, interacting with their fellow members, and how they act on a personal basis. We see a little more of everyone here, more personal scenes, more fight scenes, more everything.

Most of all, this is a character based movie. It’s wall to wall action, sure, but everyone has their moment of drama, and the dialogue is well written for pretty much every personality involved. It isn’t just Iron Man starring the Avengers anymore, every character has screen time on and off the field of combat. 

Not an easy feat, considering they are juggling five popular main characters, and some major satellite characters too. While Downey Jr’s Stark is still the funniest character in the film, with comebacks and dialogue so sharp and well delivered it almost seems improvised, there’s also great moments from the supporting cast, Don Cheadle’s War Machine standing out in his scenes by far. Conspicuously absent amongst the ensemble are fan favorites (and eternal girlbait) Agent Coulson and Loki, however.

There’s great scenes of casual interplay between the Avengers. The snappy dialogue in hectic combat is even better in casual situations, with great scenes of macho competition, honest flirtation, and scientific ambition. It’s difficult not to love each of the Avengers, with even the less focal ones getting great scenes here.

No time is wasted on early exposition, or introducing characters we already know. The setup is here and ready from point one, and it doesn’t take long for the main plot to kick in after the brilliant opening scene. During a celebratory party in the Avenger’s tower, the first form of the titular villain shows himself. 

At first I was taken aback by the frank quirkiness of Ultron’s dialogue. There’s no technobabble or stereotypical ‘robot character’ dialogue, he’s very human. He’s cocky, even funny. I realized that the character, a product of alien technology mixed with Tony Stark’s automated Iron Army program, has taken on some of Stark’s personality traits, and shares his cynical, comical side. It works. Ultron is an enjoyable villain to watch, he talks like Stark, with his constant megalomania and superiority turned up to eleven. His first scene, analyzing the simple flaws in the existence of the world as we see it, is just brilliant.

By instantaneous access to all the worlds information, Ultron goes from birth to master plan in a matter of minutes, so it all kicks off pretty soon from there on, with a globetrotting series of events pursuing Ultron across the world. The story is kinetic, never staying in one place for long. The Avengers are dragged through a series of trials, facing more new enemies in the Maximoff twins, not named as such here but better known to comic fans as Quicksilver and Scarlet Witch. These two are more enjoyable than I expected, having never been a fan of either before. With some acceptable neutral Slavic accents, they form the basis of Ultron’s cadre of main antagonists. Quicksilver snatching arrows out of the air with his super speed and Scarlet Witch bending the minds of our heroes to show them their worst fears. With a team of heroes as powerful as the Avengers, turning them against one another has long been the classic way to deliver a challenge.

Quicksilver’s inclusion will inevitably be compared to the characters recent appearance in X-Men: Days of Future past, and I have to say, regardless of some fun visual gags, he isn’t half as exciting here. In DOFP, we saw incredible use of the characters super speed in a variety of ways, Age of Ultron’s Quicksilver is just not up to that standard, although he is well performed and enjoyable to watch.

The twin’s inevitable heel/face turn is one of the movies short order points, in my opinion, a little brief, and they are awfully quick to ally with a character that was revealed in a prior monologue to be the source of a lifetime of constant fear and oppression for the two. Also, without the twins as sidekicks, Ultron is the lone antagonist for most of the films runtime, and as great a villain as he is, there’s something video-gamey about the Avengers battling an endless supply of identical robot drones. These large scale battle scenes, all inclusive of almost every character, are a visual masterpiece, certainly, but they don’t have the urgency or intensity necessary in a lot of the situations. We know any member of the Avengers will defeat a hundred of these enemies in a scene like this, so there’s no genuine threat there. The real joy in the films battle scenes come from other sources, like the brilliant punch up between a pissed off Hulk and the long awaited Iron Man Hulk-Buster armour. This one is fantastic. Hulk is his absolute finest here, made genuinely scary by showing us that he isn’t just the strongest thing on the battlefield, but that he’s fast too. Iron Man attempting to stop the rampaging green menace whilst simultaneously trying to protect the undefended city and the populace around them is just great, and will be the main event of the film for many viewers.

The Hulk has a lot of character development here, and along with Black Widow and Hawkeye, forms the Avengers that we see a much more intimate side of. An emerging romance and personal secrets  are introduced that we hadn’t previously seen, and it serves to remind there’s a lot more going on here than just saving the world. 

Speaking of which, the exact peril the world is in, isn’t as clear as it perhaps could have been. Exactly what Ultron’s plan was I felt wasn’t all that obvious until the films finale. It feels at times like the storyline is moving to a time limit we aren’t really seeing. It doesn’t make it any less fun, but the real feeling of tension generated by threat through the second act just wasn’t there.

The film’s final act introduces a major hero in the form of one of the comic’s most mysterious, enigmatic characters. If you’ve made it this far without knowing who that is, I don’t want to spoil it for you. I’ll say he’s played beautifully, with just the right edge of childlike wonder and enlightened gravity that the character needs, by a brilliant British actor who has long deserved a role so big. One perfectly played moment in his first scene had the whole audience cheering, and you’ll know it when you see it.

Age of Ultron may not be the epic entry in the MCU it could have been. It serves to develop characters and move the whole story forward rather than end anything or bring it all together, but it’s sharply written, well put together, and has some truly enjoyable performances by characters both old and new. There’s so much going on in the MCU, with developments in this film leading to at least 4 separate future films, and it’s hard not to want to get involved in all of them. It’s just like reading the comics, you can’t read only one, there's too much fun to be had by diving right into the whole world.

Movie review: The Amazing Spider-Man 2.

In this world gone mad, with Superhero movies bursting out of every studio with the force of freight trains every few weeks, it takes throwing your weight around to be noticed. A big villain, a big name, a major plotline from comic-book history, all these are things it takes to get the crowds coming back.
The latest installment of the titular web-slingers movie franchise is certainly no different, and packs no less than three classic Spidey villains into one film, with the promise of a whole bunch more soon to come. They had their work cut out for them making this one, that much is clear from the get go.

Our story cold opens with some major history that will rub canon fans the wrong way, as the mysterious past of Peter Parker's science savvy parents is revealed amid a James Bond style crashing airplane battle over a tenuous internet connection. It may feel more like a tech-thriller than Spider-Man, but it beats opening on some tired old Uncle Ben stuff eh? The action really gets going full-force in scene two, as our hero swings into action against stock Russian terrorist, Aleksei Systevich. This entire encounter really is the old cartoon brought to life. Aleksei (played by a completely over-the-top Paul Giamatti) is as snarling and ridiculous as you can get playing a Russian killer, and Spider-Man is at his wise-crackling best from the first line. Caught stealing an armoured car full of plutonium isotopes, Aleksei is beaten and bested by Spider-Man in minutes, leaving us with a reminder of just how dexterous and strong this particular version of the hero really is.
Arriving late to his own graduation ceremony, Peter drops in to reintroduce us to his love interest, the ill-fated Gwen Stacy. The relationship between the two is blossoming, yet haunted by the specter of Gwen's father, killed in battle against a Welshman last movie. The foreboding stares of her father's ghost forces Peter to wedge a gap between the two, ending their relationship. It isn't wildly fun getting into the relationship between these two again. It's teen romance, we all know what it's like already, awful and terrible and full of headphones and pillow punching. What is far more fun is watching the developing villains go about their pre-villainous lives.
Manic, self-confidence deficient electrical engineer Max Dillon was rescued by Spider-Man in a happenstance encounter, and now talks to the hero in his miserable apartment when no one else is around. Max is both self obsessed and horribly afraid of social embarrassment, with obvious and severe abandonment issues, stumbling over his words trying to interact with anyone as he goes to his bottom of the ladder job at questionably evil megacorporation Oscorp. You know the character, you've seen him before. He may be played by a weird haired Jamie Foxx here, but he was played by a weird haired Jim Carrey before he became the Riddler in Batman Forever, and a weird haired Guy Pearce before he became Aldritch Killian in Iron Man 3. The stepped on and overlooked scientist, the unseen genius. Oh, one day, if only he had the chance. It doesn't take long for Max to stumble into a room filled with fizzing electrical wires and tanks full of electrical eels (no really) and go get himself done turned into his very own Dr Manhattan.

Now the fledgling Electro is an interesting character. The transformation doesn't force a personality change at first, leaving the awkward, needy character in a wildly powerful new body. With no knowledge of how to control himself, or indeed why everyone is looking at him as he comes to times square, his body inadvertently seeking the energy sources found there. His complex fixation with Spider-Man comes to fruition when he is forced to encounter his hero face to face.
When the world is focused on him, just for that one perfect moment, and everyone pays attention to him, he seems almost content. Then his hero arrives and tears all the attention away from him immediately. Worse, Spider-Man forgets Max's name. Electro comes alive.
Now Electro is by far the strongest villain of the film, and once he makes the transition from tired stereotype to full fledged bad guy, becomes one of the more exciting villains to appear in a recent film. His body moves with fluid electricity, swarming and moving over his translucent flesh, and his voice reverberates with a bassy distortion that is just wonderful. Even more distinctive, is the swelling music that follows the character through the film; A deep, rolling dubstep that not only sets the dread of his incredible power perfectly, but even moves and jumps in tone with the character on screen, making each of his scenes feel beautifully kinetic and bringing so much more to the atmosphere. The rest of the music in the film pales in comparison.
Spider-Mans confrontations with Electro are by far the film's most visually impressive sequences, the villains powers evolving through the course of the film from simple energy manipulation, to moving as a living current of electricity spiraling through the air in waves of blue and purple surges. It's gorgeous to watch, I just wish the changes in his personality were explored a little more as the film went on. He desires to take control of what is rightfully his by design, the city power grid, but once this is accomplished, we never really find out what goes through his mind. What would the sheltered, fearful little scientist become when endowed with such power? (and how did the transformation fix the gap in his teeth?) I would have enjoyed seeing Electro fleshed out more in the third act.
The third act devotes its time mainly to another, however. Young Harry Osborn makes his entrance early on in the film, a seemingly innocent yet dark young man returning to see the last moments of his dying father. Norman is bed ridden, twisted and dying from the same disease that courses through Harry's veins, and with a cryptic warning, passes his companies malevolent research onto his son. Thus beginning a subplot of intrigue within the Oscorp company, of plot and deceit from those that Harry is forced to trust upon taking his father's throne. Now Harry is a well done character here. The young Osborn is usually treated as ancillary to his father, but here the elder is done away with swiftly, establishing the deep disconnection the two share and complete lack of family trust, as well as give us a glimpse into this dark young man who once called Peter Parker friend. The two share a very real feeling moment where, after encountering one another after almost a decade of absence, they insult one another and laugh. Their friendship feels believable, and it's a moving development when Harry's illness requires him to obtain the blood of the newly famous Spider-Man. Connected to Spider-Man through is photography (sadly absent is J. Jonah Jameson in this one) Peter is forced to refuse Harry's pleas.  Harry is a dying young man, he's desperate; and to be betrayed by his only real friend in this world of hateful businessmen fighting him for control of his birthright, might be all it takes to knock him over the edge from desperation into insanity. Here returns the earlier established backstory of the Parker parents, and their dark relationship to Norman Osborn and his research. In a noir little mystery sequence Peter must follow the trail set by his father to a hidden lab beneath the city, to find a long abandoned lab his father left behind and unveil his secret research. Although filled with the only real link Peter has with his parents, this didn't seem to pay off all that much in the rest of the film, and actually seemed to further more to Harry's medical plotline than it did Peter's family strife.

The action and interplay between these two major villains is interesting, with Electro gaining control of his new powers and growing stronger, and Harry losing control of his company and growing weaker. Electro becomes the weapon which Harry uses to stab his way back into his empire. It's a shame these two characters only really have a couple scenes together, as it would have been interesting to see how they would interact later on in the films events.
As Spider-Man comes to a shattering showdown with Electro, containing a moment where Electro creates a replica of his leering face in the sparking ruins of a New York skyscraper that truly impressed me as a new super-villain classic, Harry is descending to his destiny in the vaults below Oscorp, where he is injected with the imperfect spider serum in last ditch effort to save his life.
Harry goes from 0 to Green Goblin in a matter of seconds, which may have been a bit fast in my opinion, the whole film going into the final waves of act 3 in very short order.
The two climactic battles with our villains coming one after the other was a little bit of an odd choice of pace, with Electro having been built up longer and simply more impressively than the Goblin, and he is done away with a little easily with Spider-Man's first solution to the problem. Gwen Stacy being courageous and running around in the midst of the explosive battle was also ridiculous at times to watch. She's talking to Spider-Man like he's just her average old boyfriend whilst he is literally being attacked by the highly explosive supervillain. Yes, we understand you're a strong, intellectual woman who can look after herself and solve problems, but get your head down in the line of fire bitch!
Speaking of Gwen, those in the audience who're fans of the story will know she's not seeing the end of this one. As Spider-Man battles the newly powered Harry, who does look brilliant in a very grotesque new take on the Green Goblin, Gwen's life hangs in a precarious balance. We're waiting for it to happen, and in a way that takes away from most of the threat in the rest of the fight.

Now Emma Stone isn't a bad actress, googly eyes and all, it's just that the character of Gwen Stacy just isn't great. She's too perfect, too intellectual, too successful. Her relationship with Peter is so picturesque in its ineffable romance that she really did have to die. The character of Peter Parker, and indeed any superhero, is most exciting when it is strained, when it is challenged and under assault. Remember Spider-Man 2? With poor Peter Parker losing everything in his life bit by bit, life raining crap on him day after day? He's at the brink of giving up everything before Doc Ock even turned up. It was compelling stuff, and the death of Gwen Stacy here, which was done well in a mix of both the classic comic book event and the creation of Venom; is a step on the trials this new Spider-Man has to face to become the hero he needs to be.
The film doesn't really wind down, it just gets going again, almost as if it's about to introduce another act. We are treated to a shameless introduction to the next story in the franchise, with the beaten and imprisoned Harry Osborn directing a mysterious benefactor to ready the experiments for a new group of supervillains. Just a few men, would it be a stretch to guess about six? How sinister.
The first of this crew is handed to us for the final scene, as Aleksei returns from his stint in prison, powered up in his tank-like Rhino mech and ready to claim his revenge on Spider-Man.
Rhino could have been scary and intimidating, but the way he's played here is just too comic-book to be so. He's fun, he's wacky, and the final clash leads us into the idea of Spider-Man routinely battling this sort of villain as his everyday occurrence. Some may say it's baiting for a sequel, but this kind of movie doesn't need to bait. It chooses to go out on a high note, a playful one, one that reminds us Spider-Man does this every day, and there will only be more of these guys coming. This film also subtly introduces us to the characters of Felicia Hardy and even Mr. Smythe; for those who remember the creator of the Spider Slayer robots in the animated series.
The Amazing Spider-Man 2 is a good film, it's fun, doesn't take itself too seriously most of the time, and when it does the melodrama doesn't overstay its welcome. Visually there are scenes that will stun you in here, and the movements and actions of the titular hero have never looked better. With great villains and solid performance by the protagonist, I'd say the franchise has been done a favor by this installment.

Super Special Dooptacular Doop Special.

There are many heroes in the Marvel Universe.

Characters that have captured the imagination of millions across the globe since before the majority of us were born. Spider-Man, Iron Man, The Hulk, Captain America. To name only a tiny fraction of the many and varied heroes that provide everyone with excitement, entertainment, even inspiration in their everyday lives.

But is there one amongst the legions that shines brighter than the rest? A hero so great we can all aspire to emulate? One amongst the Avengers, Earths Mightiest heroes? Or the Fantastic Four? A team held together by family and love? Is there truly a hero grander than all the others?

No. Just kidding. This article is about Doop.

'But just who is this Doop?' I hear you blithely ask, Ignorant of the absurdity of your question.

Those who are in the know are painfully aware of the floating little green potato looking thing lurking around the pages of Marvel comics. Just look at that lovable little green blob.

He's been kicking around since 2001, a (one can only assume off the cuff) creation of Peter Milligan and Mike Allred in their run on X-Force. You see Joe Quesada had taken over at that point, and various comics were getting overhauls. With British talent Milligan (Penner of some truly classic 2000 AD stories) writing and Madman legend Allred with the pencils, the team that emerged from the duo would turn out to be one of the most surreal in Marvel's history. They would come to be known as the X-Statix.

So what we end up with are a bunch of self-obsessed and morally deficient young heroes with powers ranging from wholly useless to ridiculously specific. They would be killed off left and right, act like immature idiots, and generally be a irresponsible team, albeit one of the most interesting there's ever been. Through the swiftly changing roster, one of the only standbys of the team is their cameraman. Or cameraperson. This little floating green potato that looked a bit like a stop halfway between Slimer and Gary Busey.

You could be dooped into thinking he wasn't important, and although ever-present, he never actually does all that much. But if there was a soul behind the body of the X-Statix, it would be green and Doop shaped. He floats around, rarely doing much more that getting footage of the team going about their business and sneaking shots up the female team-members skirts, occasionally spouting dialogue in a nonsensical wingding that is apparently unintelligible. 

So what exactly are Doop's powers? Who the hell knows? They're super-dooper, how about that? At one time or another he's shown evidence of super strength and resilience, transforming and enlarging his body, dooplicating items, something that seems to resemble creating pocket dimensions in his own body, energy beams, and just plain weirdness like taking himself bodily apart with no physical limitation.

Doopseak remains an enigmatic secret buried far deeper than anything in a Dan Brown novel. In universe, everyone seems to understand it of course, leading to baffling comedy in the reactions to whatever it is the little guy is saying.

In a crossover event with the Avengers near the end of X-Statix's run, Doop is taken hostage by Russian terrorists and turned into an atomic superweapon. Captain America makes a vague reference to something called 'The Doop Project' in the final days of the Cold War. Could Doop possibly be of Soviet Origin? Who the hell knows, we never hear any more on the subject.

That covers literally all we ever really discover about Doop. There's some vague allusions to relatives at one point, but they remain an unsolved mystery. Through thick and thin, Doop remains the  most stalwart member of the team. They send him to deal with a trouble-making prospective member at one point, and Doop does the kid in with an axe. Holy shit, that's some brutal stuff, Doop. He's capable of all sorts of things, including being an ordained Anglican priest and engaging in apparent sexual relationships with She-Hulk and Madonna. He palled around with Wolverine on a noir-style detective romp for a couple of issues, and one time the little guy went toe-to-toe with the Mighty Thor in a confrontation so calamitous it awoke the sleeping Valkyries of Asgard.

So how do salacious tendencies, mystical dialogue, a dooplicitous nature and some incredibly poorly defined powers combine into a cult character shadowing the margins of the Marvel universe?

Who knows, but when the X-Statix had their comic canceled (A criminal travesty as far as I'm concerned), every team member was apparently done to death in the last issue. The issue is chiefly focusing on the more vocal heroes of course, and Doop is seen in the background in one frame, lying sprawled over a chair with a nasty stomach wound.

Could the blob be done in so easily? Was that the end for our hero? Doopsday?

No chance.

Other members of Marvel's creative team took notice of that little chap. In an unrelated comic, somewhere in the multiverse, a passing child might be seen clutching a familiar looking green doll. Jean Grey had an awfully distinctive blob of a keychain one time. In an issue of symbiotic hero Toxin's self titled comic, a scrawl of graffiti in the background proudly reads: Doop Lives.

Was the little blob becoming an almost Christ-like figure within the ethos of the Marvel universe? Not quite, but had he subtly infiltrated the lines between? Indoopitably.

A few years later Doop resurfaced, alive and well, a mysterious entity discovered deep in space speaking in an all too familiar tongue. He reappeared in the Marvel universe not with a bang, but with a whisper. A simple reemergence unquestioned by readers who knew Doop not. Among other things, Doop went on an utterly sdoopid kung-fu adventure with Iron Fist, acted as a criminal investigator to the mutants of Utopia (Driving his victim to tears with an interrogation comprised completely of questions about French cinema) and appeared in a mutant romance special that was truly weird.

Since then, Doop has been appearing in the pages of every mutant based comic there is, apparently having found employment with the Jean Grey School for Higher learning. You'll see him at a desk in front of students, sleeping through one of his own lecture periods, or eating doughnuts in the staff room. He seems to be doing well in the teaching profession. Of course, Doop's employment as staff is purely a front for the real job at the school, that of an undercover security professional, looking out for the safety of the students, and rooting out trouble at the heart of the problem. Logan can count on his old buddy Doop to do what needs gettin' done.

That about brings us up to speed. Marvel NOW is in full swing, and creeping up on us very soon for some strange reason that only the correct alignment of planets could possibly have allowed, Doop is getting his own little limited series. Set during the events of the massive mutant book crossover 'Battle of the Atom' Doop is getting his own slice of the center stage after all this time.

Screw The Avengers, go out and buy your kids (or wife, boyfriend, grandmother, etc) some Doop. They'll love you for it.

You said it man.